The Real Reason I’ve taken a blogging break this week…


Anybody that knows me or that keeps up with my blog and social media knows that majority of the time I am posting on my blog at least 2-3 times a week, I try my best to work on my website everyday whether it be writing content or taking pictures. I get home from an 8 hour shift and I am straight back to my desk typing away and don’t get me wrong I bloody love it, but sometimes we all need a break even from the things we adore. This week I’ve felt down in the dumps and also haven’t been able to eat properly because it feels like I’m swallowing razor blades, yet despite feeling groggy that isn’t actually the reason I have taken a blogging break this week. Here is the real reason…

MY BROTHER IS.

On Sunday I arrived home around tea time, I went straight into my brother who welcomed me with the loveliest smile and said that he had missed me (I’d only been gone for a night) but still. I sat on his bed and we talked for a while and told each other  jokes – I was laughing and best of all so was he.

People reading this that have siblings might think well yes that’s what brother and sisters do laugh and fight. For me, it’s a little different because some days I get home from work and my brother hasn’t moved out of his bed all day and looks so pale and depressed.  I can barely get a conversation out of him a lot of the time so the days that I see him so very happy and talkative I cherish it – which is why this week I decided to take a break.

After having a typical chat on Sunday we went downstairs and he taught me some boxing – that is when I caught in the corner of my eye a glimpse of my dad’s smile. Both my mum and dad looked so happy and relieved that Kyle was out of his room and laughing with us all.

That night I lay in bed thinking about what a beautiful evening I had with my brother, I thought about how difficult it must be for him to feel so alone – in fact I thought many of thoughts. I had a sudden sense of guilt that I come home from work every day to blog, and I know my brother is completely fine with that because he wants me to do what makes me happy but a little bit of guilt sprung upon me. So, I decided that this week my time would be dedicated all to him. And that is the real reason I haven’t blogged or been on social media as much this week!

And what a fantastic week we have had.

From boxing training in our living room to sitting watching the National Television Awards with a tub of Ben & Jerrys it was all bloooomin fun.

Not only has it been a fun week but it has been a blessing for me to see my brother smile for more than one odd day and to hear him laugh for several more days.

Oh and may I add I am still bloody praising him despite him waking me up at 2am, 4am and 5:30am every night to ask me random questions like: his date of birth or if I want a Jaffa cake!! A bloody Jaffa cake at 4am.

So to anyone that has got this far…

Be there for someone whether they have mental health or not.

Drop your exercise class for a night.

Drop cooking tea – get a takeaway.

Drop cleaning your bathroom – do it tomorrow.

Drop scrolling through social media – look at someone and talk to them instead.

Be there for your loved ones – you never know when you might need someone to be there for you.

xxx

 

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Having a sibling with autism…

If you want to know something about sport, he will tell you the name of the person that plays for what team. He’ll even tell you the date they joined if you have a tendency to know.

If you ask him about a holiday, he will tell you it was to Portugal 2011, and on the Thursday we went to watch Barcelona play and they won 3-0. The last time he ate prawns was on a Friday 4 years ago, but he didn’t like the texture. He is one of a kind with the most wonderful abilities.

He is caring. He is funny. He is him.

His ways are not like mine and not like many, his unique ways often get seen as ‘weird’.

My brother has autism.

Acceptance wasn’t easy. The typical words of certain teachers saying he’s not as well behaved as you or he doesn’t take after you, the look on my friends / boyfriends face when they first heard the funny noises he would make.

To compensate for the disability, I decided I needed to be the best at everything. For as long as I remember, I dreamt about going to university and making my parents above and beyond proud. I wanted to be that clever child that people didn’t expect. To me, I could be the only ‘proof’ that my parents were good parents so that other people didn’t judge. Let me tell you I could not have been more wrong…

To be that person dealing with a disability on a day-to-day basis means every day is something different. One day it’s chaotic the next it’s rewarding. You grow up before your time. I remember a friend saying to me you’ve grown up far too quick, but I always had that motherly instinct. I felt like in school I needed to be there for him. Why has he had no dinner? Why is he walking around on his own? Sometimes I love him and sometimes I hate him and that’s ok. You have to change a lot – maybe put your phone on silent or change the time you shower so it doesn’t interrupt his routine. However, the life experiences you gain turn you into a caring and independent adult who knows the true value of family.

I have always been a confident person; I could talk the legs off a donkey (literally). So, trying to understand and accept that my brother didn’t want to hang out with friends or go out anywhere was difficult. At times, I often felt confused how somebody could be so scared to talk to other people (I mean I loved it). I didn’t understand why he didn’t want a phone – I couldn’t part with mine. I wondered and still do wonder on his bad days if he does hate his big sister, but then an hour later he wants a movie night with me. I didn’t understand why he looked so normal but he didn’t act what is judged as ‘the norm’.

What I don’t question is will he be ok? Because I know he will be. He has faced challenges that I myself and you will probably never face. He is a blessing that has made me more aware of all the differences around us. Because of him I am a more patient, kind and helpful lady.

Judging a person does not define who they are, it defines who you are; accepting that each individual is different and some a little bit more different makes you a better person. At no time is anyone above you. Disabilities unravels feelings and emotions, you never know where the tunnel ends, but you walk with your family and travel the distance. My parents are the most inspiring, caring and loving people and with their determination and persistence, Kyle and I have grown up as strong young adults with respect, love and loyalty.

To him, you are you. Don’t you ever change. The crazy outbursts you have has made us stronger. You have defined caring and family for me. By your side I will always stay.

To any siblings, you are brave and your mum and dad love you just as much, but your sibling needs that extra bit of attention. Keep being bold and brave. You do get your rewards; they are your reward.

 

If anybody would like a chat about having some in your life that has a disability, please contact me so we can share our stories and tips.

Does anybody have any positive memories or tips on being a sibling to someone with autism?

xxx

 

 

 

The earlier the diagnosis the better the outcome!

JUST OVER A WEEK TO GO!!!

Everything is prepped and the raffle prizes are confirmed! Early next week I’ll do a post all about the prizes and whats happening on the night so keep your eyes peeled…

We are still £35.00 away from the charity wax target so please sponsor.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/TomStarfishRoberts

However, I want to give everybody a little insight on one of the reasons why I am raising money for autism (apart from it being close to my heart). Continue reading